More Age and Longevity Jokes and QuotesOn this page:- More Age & Longevity jokes - More Age & Longevity quotes - Contact info. - Useful Links and Resources Click on a link to see. Changing joke/quote at bottom of page!
Jokes:
2. When an eighty-year-old woman was asked if there were to be candles on her cake, she responded curtly, "No, it's a birthday party, not a torchlight procession." 3. At his annual checkup Bob was given an excellent bill of health. "It must run in your family," said the doctor. "How old was your dad when he died?" "What makes you think he's dead?" asked Bob. "He's 90 and still going strong." "Aha! And how long did your grandfather live?" "What makes you think he's dead, Doc? He's 106 and getting married to a 22 year old next week," Bob informed him. "At his age!" exclaimed the doctor. "Why's he want to marry such a young woman?" "Doc," replied Bob, "what makes you think he wants to?" 4. The medics can now stretch life out an additional dozen years but they don't tell you that most of these years are going to be spent flat on your back while some ghoul with thick glasses and a matted skull peers at you through a machine that's hot out of 'Space Patrol'. -- Groucho Marx, 1895-1977 5. A man's death was mistakenly noted in the local paper's obituary section. The "corpse" hastened to the editor to protest. "I'm awfully sorry," the editor replied. "But it's too late to do much about it. The best thing I can do for you is to put you in the "Birth Column" tomorrow morning, and give you a fresh start."
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Quotes:
2. The Young have aspirations that never come to pass, the Old have reminiscences of what never happened. -- Saki, 1870-1916 3. I don't want to acheive immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying. -- Woody Allen 4. The secret to a long life is to stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then again, don't drink too little. -- Hermann Smith-Johansson, at age 103 5. I'll never make the mistake of bein' 70 again! -- Casey Stengel 6. Growing old is like being increasingly penalised for a crime you haven't committed. -- Anthony Powell 7. Years ago, I thought old age would be dreadful, because I should not be able to do things I would want to do. Now I find there is nothing I want to do after all. -- Nancy Astor 8. Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle. -- Edna Ferber 9. You're not as young as you used to be, but you're not as old as you're going to be - so watch it! -- Irish saying 10. The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. -- Lucille Ball
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