Humorous Health QuotesThese are humorous health quotes from people of all walks of life related to various aspects of health and women's health. Let those belly laughs roll as you browse the different categories:
Categories include:
Beauty and the Female Anatomy 2. We have no faith in ourselves. I have never met a woman who, deep down in her core, really believes she has great legs. And if she suspects that she might have great legs, then she's convinced that she has a shrill voice and no neck. -- Cynthia Heimel 3. I'd the upbringing a nun would envy and that's the truth. Until I was 15 I was more familiar with Africa than my own body. -- Joe Orton, 1933-67 4. At 50, you have the choice of keeping your face or your figure and it's much better to keep your face. -- Barbara Cartland 5. Anatomically speaking, a bust is here today and gone tomorrow. -- Isobel Barnett
On the pelvic floor and urinary incontinence:
7. What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set, ingenious machine for turning, with infinite artfulness, the red wine of Shiraz into urine? -- Isak Dinesen, 1885-1962
Tip - No woman should have to put up with those little leaks of urine when she coughs, jumps or sneezes when there is help at hand. Click here for more info. on the in-home, easy to use
Kegel Exerciser
Moms, Tots and Teens 2. You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home. -- Erma Bombeck 3. Children are given to us to discourage our better emotions. -- Saki 4. Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.-- John Wilmot (Lord Rochester) 5. I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. -- Harry S. Truman
6. I love all my children, but some of them I don't like. -- Lillian Carter, 1898-1983
Tip - Moms, turn love for your children into 24 hour protection with the best in child security, click here for more info. about
Fingerprint America
Womanhood 2. Any woman who has a career and a family automatically develops something in the way of two personalities, like two sides of a dollar bill, each different in design....Her problem is to keep one from draining the life from the other. -- Ivy Baker Priest 3. A woman is like a teabag; you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. -- Nancy Reagan 4. For a man to pretend to understand women is bad manners; for him to really understand them is bad morals. -- Henry James
5. I hate women because they always know where things are. -- James Thurber
Pregnancy, Birth and Babies 2. People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. -- Leo J. Burke 3. There are two things in this life for which we are never fully prepared, and that is -- twins. -- Josh Billings 4. Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth, 1884-1980
5. I was born because it was a habit in those days, people didn't know anything else. -- Will Rogers, 1879-1935
Healthy Living and Physical Fitness 2. What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. -- George Dennison Prentice 3. To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals. -- Benjamin Franklin 4. One must eat to live and not live to eat. -- Moliere 5. Food is an important part of a balanced diet. -- Fran Lebowitz
6. I work so hard to stay in shape. Whenever I read anything, it says, "Consult your doctor before doing any exercise." It always says that. Does anybody do that? I kind of think my doctor has people coming in with serious problems. I don't think I should be calling him and saying, "Hi, this is Rita, I'm thinking of bending at the waist." -- Rita Rudner
Smoking and Drinking 2. But when I don't smoke I scarcely feel as if I'm living. I don't feel as if I'm living unless I'm killing myself. -- Russell Hoban
3. Bacchus hath drowned more men than Neptune. -- Thomas Fuller
Tip - You too can quit smoking, there's effective help just a click away. Click on the link to become a PROUD NONsmoker Now!
Weight and Dieting 2. The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. -- Edward I. Koch 3. The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. -- Andy Rooney 4. You may know by my size that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking. -- William Shakespeare
5. Imprisoned in every fat man a thin one is wildly signalling to be let out. -- Cyril Connolly, 1903-74
Birth control and STDs 2. Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. -- Mark Twain 3. There is an old Puerto Rican saying that men must do three things in life: plant trees, write books, and have sons. I wish they would plant more trees and write more books. -- Luis Munoz Marin 4. I'm glad I'm a woman because I don't have to worry about getting men pregnant. -- Nell Dunn
5. Accidents will occur in the best regulated families. -- Charles Dickens, 1812-70
Health and Sickness 2. Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it's for. Spend all you have before you die; and do not outlive yourself. -- George Bernard Shaw 3. Cured yesterday of my disease, I died last night of my physician. -- Matthew Prior, 1664-1721 4. The nurse sleeps sweetly, hired to watch the sick, whom, snoring, she disturbs. -- William Cowper, 1731-1800 5. There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse. -- Laurence Stern, 1738-68
6. Get your room full of air, then shut up the windows and keep it. It will keep for years. Anyway, don't keep using your lungs all the time. Let them rest. -- Stephen Leacock, 1869-1944
Tip - Brand name prescription medications are much cheaper over the internet? Check out this on-line
Web Pharmacy!
Age and Longevity 2. So never say to D'arcy, 'Be your age!' He'd shrivel up at once or turn to stone. -- William Plomer, 1903-73 3. A contemporary comforted me with the observation that it's nice, as one approaches 50, to discover what one wants to be when one grows up. -- George V Higgins 4. Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now. -- Bob Dylan (in My Back Pages song)
5. 35 is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained 35 for years. -- Oscar Wilde
Tip - Want to know how to keep Arthritis away and the joints 'at play'? Click here to find out about
Synflex
This website is new and so is frequently being updated with new jokes, quotes, health tips and other fun stuff. Bookmark this site now or add it to your favourites list to make it easier for you to stop by and see what's new!
Contact us:
P.S. -- Don't forget to check out our online healthstore and bookstore for all your healthcare supplies and for book titles related to a wide range of health and lifestyle topics.
Useful Links and Resources:
Got a 'Useful' link to add to the above? Send it to:
Doctorfunnywoman@hotmail.com
|